you're the reason for all of this, and i hate you for it.

who would love me if it's not you?

i used to think that a lot back then, it's ironic that now i don't want you to love me but for you to just leave me alone.

i don't think you're capable of love, i think you were, at some point, very young, but things happened and you were no longer the same.

misery loves you, and you make it seem like it's always my fault, who is there to blame? the one who fucked up its life or the consequence by it?

there's so much things to say always and i will never let you hear me, even when i know you won't initially, you never do anyway.

you don't even blame all of us, no, you blame me. 

me me me me me me me fuck you!

I never once thought that it was your way to be close to me, to have conversations with me, to be by my side because you never have known for real what do i like to talk with me. it's your way to be you, because you know i won't say anything

you're selfish, you're so self centered you have never cared that it's that way, you're selfish and i hate you for it, and i hate that i begged you so many times for you to actually love me, to be there for me, to accept me. 

just because you did it at one point doesnt mean that's all i can get. unfortunately, i'm still here by your side and you know you will never leave even if i pray for you to do so.

you're the reason for all of this, for me to be like this, for me to have all of this in my insides, you're the reason that i'm like this and i hate you for it

have you ever cared? have you ever seen the signs and you've just ignored it because that's what you do best? are you that self centered you don't want to see the truth?

i don't think you've ever cared in reality, not now, nor last year, nor when i was five, nor never ever. 

i understand you and i think that's the worst part of all of this, it wasnt because of you but I've always been too much of a empathetic. I understand why you are like this. but worse things have happened to me thanks to you and i would never do this to my son. 

you're not capable of loving, and i don't understand why do i even bother to try anymore.

With love - s.h.2007

February 2026.