mom i'm sad

i wish you would hug me when i need you to

i wish you would let me cry in your arms and let me bury my face on your clothes so i can smell that so familiar scent that would usually call out "home", but no, it doesnt.

call me, maybe? 

please don't.

i don't want to cry again against the wall and between my sheets and in front of them

i just wish it would have been different, somehow.

you did it terrible and i always think what could i do to make it different, to not make it this way, but how could i have done that when i tried my best and everything just fell apart either way?

was i supposed to read your mind and tell myself all the things that you wanted to tell me? sir, i wish.

"do you think i should talk to him?" please don't.

if you still care don't ever let me know because you're the only one that can destroy me and do it over and over and over and over again and i wouldnt ever say "stop"

i'm sad and no one's ever here, it's so lonely here without anyone, i just wish it would be different.

but it's not.

you all lied to my face, said the worst things ever and then lied again telling me you loved me

what kind of love is that? 

before everything, before my mistakes and my goals, i don't know if you've ever liked me, but i put you first always. i left everything for you.

i'm such a sensitive stupidass.

mom i'm sad

mom?

ah...

10th March 2026.