well i'm not that suicidal... with the last upcoming school year starting tomorrow.. i have constantly thought that if i just attempt and get put in a psych ward things would be easier but i know thats not the truth.. it'll be just switching one stressor to another. but i still feel i need to avoid it in every possible way. I just can't do another year of this bullshit, i'm so tired of existing.
I know i've come a far way, i think i've been almost a month clean, my last relapse i didn't tell my mom(i always feel like i should tell her soon) and my progress seems so little though it feels tremendous to my perspective..
I just don't know what i'm going to do with my life, i never planned on living this long .it feels like theres way too many options. i still need some time to process my decisions but life continues on without me.
On that note, i have a scheduled biopsy for a mass in my breast at the end of this month. i catch myself thinking that i wouldn't really mind whatever the test results are, if i have cancer, i have cancer, if i don't, i don't. I know that is disgustingly insensitive of me but this world seems so gigantic. theres so many things i wanted to do and want to do yet i feel i don't have any will to do anything.
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Cysper04
You know what? I really don't know what to say but I wish things would go well for you.
I know it's tough but I think there's still some potential on you left to really get well in life.
I feel the same, and honestly I don't really know what else to do with my life.... It's sad that there's not much I can do.
I don't really plan on living long either.
I wish I could go back in time and start all over again and maybe my life could've been better.