Evil man

There's so much that I don't even know what to type or how to start this but ugh omfg. I'm not even going to try to start from the start of everything I'm just going to talk about what I currently want to talk about because my god its just so much. I hate evil man so much. I used to just have a dislike for him but I started thinking if I was in the girls shoes I genuinely wouldn't even be like that like.. If I knew he had a thing going on with another girl I would leave him be. Cause what do you mean you got a stuffed animal monkey and share custody with it like what the actual fuck. I would never do that with a guy friend I didn't have any feelings for so what the fuck is going on. And no I'm NOT leaving evil man out of this. You said you didn't want to lead me on and/or ghost me but guess what you did. I can't believe I thought this situation was going to go any differently compared to any other romantic relationship I've tried to start. I miss and hate you at the same time. I always wonder what everyone else is thinking when they see us not even looking at each other when they saw us at the peak of I guess whatever we were. I wish I knew what his friends thought about this situation. I just feel so stupid walking around with other people knowing that it didn't work out. I hate your voice, hair, eyes, nose, walk, interests, house, figure, everything I used to once love I now can't fucking stand. How am I supposed to believe that there's someone out there for me when every single time there has been another girl they end up choosing over me. Did you even cry over me like you said you did? Was any of it real? What the fuck made you change your mind? What happened over band camp that made you decide it's better to pretend like I never even existed. I used to love that we had everything in common and how we basically were the same person in different bodies but now that's all I hate. I've tried so hard to try to convince myself that you haven't ruined anything for me but you have ruined about everything.