family

I don't know if there's something in the air or something but holy smokes I can't stand my family anymore.

They interact with me, could be literally anything or any one of them, and i just feel this visceral anger. They touch me and i just tense up because it's either that or end up getting in trouble for laying my hands on these people.

It's not like i feel this way about anyone else. Even the most annoying people i know don't make me this mad. This is a certain rage reserved specifically to my family.

It's not like we have a bad relationship, i'd say compared to last year everyone is on pretty good terms. But i hate them so much. I can't stand being around them to the point that being at school is like a blessing.

Right now i'm shaking as I type this because they're around me and i feel suffocated. It's more potent around my parents specifically since i hardly bother interacting with my siblings.

They poke and prod, they know exactly what to say to get on my nerves. I can't even put to words how much i despise them.

They say they don't have favorites, yet baby the younger ones even when they're technically almost my age. Call it jealousy or whatever but it's ridiculous to be so concerned about one of your children when the others don't get half the sympathy or support they need. 

But that's for a whole other blog post. I don't even mind the feeling anymore cause it's so constant. At first, i felt bad for feeling this way cause things are finally getting better. But they're not. Not for me at least.