Family pressure

Important note: This account was created so I can talk about my life and vent anonymously. I am not seeking friendship, attention, or pity. I just want to be able to write freely about what I am going through. Please be respectful and respect my privacy. Thank you.

There is a situation I have been keeping inside for a while now, maybe for too long. It is probably what weighs on me the most, and that is why I created this account to finally talk about it. My intention is not to seek pity, but simply to be able to express myself.

​I am so worried about my future that it makes me cry. My parents are deeply religious and married young. My mother is a Christian and my father is a pastor, so I have always grown up in a religious environment. According to my parents' traditions, a woman is supposed to take care of the home, the chores, the cooking, and the children, while the man works outside.

​I regret being raised this way, and I do not appreciate having responsibilities and principles forced upon me simply because of my assigned sex. I don’t even view myself as a girl, but as a non-binary person. However, if I were to tell my parents, it would be seen as a shame to the family and a sin.

​My parents expect me to get married, have children, and obey my husband.

​But my own opinion in all of this doesn't seem to matter. Don't I have the right to choose my own future, my passions, my dreams, and my projects ? None of it seems to matter to them, as if it were all just temporary. I have dreamed of becoming an author for a very long time. Writing brings me deep joy, a sense of freedom, with no constraints or family expectations. It is the career I have dreamed of since childhood the thing that makes me feel alive, my refuge in this hectic life.

​But I fear I will never be able to become an author. If I dared to talk to my family about it, they would laugh at me, tell me to find a job as a maid, and would never support my dream.

​So, should I get married and live a life I hate, just to please my family ? My whole life has been spent trying to make them proud of me; I have made so many efforts, but nothing seems to work. Why should I keep going ? Why inflict this upon myself? Why can't I just live doing what I love ?

​Day after day, this situation causes me anxiety, makes me cry, and I feel resentment toward my family because of it. I have even started becoming aggressive because I am just exhausted from living under these conditions.

​The pressure and fear have been so intense that I have lost my spark for writing my only talent, the very thing that kept me going for years.

​How could I not be overwhelmed after all of this? Honestly, I don't know if I can keep enduring it, or if I will ever be able to write again. I am so scared.

​I don’t know if others are in a similar situation, but if you are going through something comparable, I sincerely hope you manage to get through it and one day live the life you truly deserve.

​Thank you for taking the time to read my message. (｡-ω-)