First job at 14yrs (vent)

vent post tbh but I’ve been looking for a job and now I’m regretting leaving my first job I got at 14 years old, I’m 16 now and I’m just like wth am I dooiinnggg …. But if I hadn’t left that place I feel like I would’ve been in a much more worsened state for my mental health. Being a poc in the midwest is already tiring and the fact that I was 14 meant that old white people would yell at me and speak to me in a way that they thought I would understand. It makes me sad to think that I had to go thru that while I was 14 like dang, what did I even do. They would always ask for someone who was older or someone who could understand them even when I could understand them good, just because I have an accent doesn’t mean I know any less.

I also remember going to the bathroom and having to hold in my tears in the middle of a shift more than once. I also couldn’t help but think maybe this was on me too because I never spoke up about the fact that the person who trained me didn’t even train me good, and maybe this all would have been cleared and I could have had a good time working there. But then again, I could also tell my older coworkers didn’t like me necessarily. It made me feel so sad and also the fact that, other than me and one other coworker who was male, were brown, I felt so lonely. I felt so constricted.

I have been looking for a job, I have been to 5 places and still haven’t received answers and I think to myself, even if I went thru all that, maybe it would’ve been nicer to still have a job than not have one.