First week at college: online diary entry

TLDR; smthn always went wrong Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, but everything was fine on Thursday. And I'm happy with my classes and the people I've talked with, I don't rlly have any "friends" but I'm sure I'll make a few.

It’s been a little hectic for me. Maybe it’s because I hadn’t really explored everything that I should’ve before going to classes. My wifi was fucked up, I didn’t even know about the online modules; I was a mess because of my own ignorance. Looking at this stuff ahead of time would've made things easier on my brain, and probably my body, my heart has felt a little racey at times. Also, why is my uterus programmed to give me the worst first days ever?? I know the best path to controlling my periods would either be through birth control or starting my transition on T, but why can’t mother nature sense that the time she picked for me to have my periods is super inconvenient?? And then change things around?? Please :( 

It seems that, while I’m pretty good at driving, navigating parking garages with other drivers around is a new skill that I have to sharpen, I cut a guy off (sorry guy in blue truck). I’ve also almost torn off my dad’s left sideview mirror because I overshot my turn into the parking garage’s entrance and I curbstomped so hard that I rammed into a poll :') . Luckily, my dad used some heavy duty gorilla glue to fix it. Safe to say, I need to be more careful pulling into parking garages.

My teachers seem pretty nice and laid back. Most of my professors are kinda chipper, chatty women. And it’s nice because they also try to share the conversation and talk with you, though for early morning classes, not everyone’s woken up enough for it. I kind of feel weird for being on similar levels of chatty, like I’m taking up too much of the class space by wanting to share my thoughts. I may be getting into my own head though, it’s not like the rest of the class is that excited to talk alongside the professors. But istg if my Intro to healthcare delivery professor makes us do any more assignments that require AI this year, I’m not gonna be happy!!

I’m probably gonna be spending a lot of time at the library doing work, cuz when I come home my mind wants to shut off and do nothing. Which surely won’t leave an impact on my hobbies, right? (I need to get on top of book club).

One goal I should set for myself is getting to know people and then organizing with them. I guess I’m achieving the getting to know part, but I need to get bold about political organizing sooner rather than later. I wonder if I could start a student union in a college that rlly only has students around for 2-4 years.

Also, it seems like I’m gonna need to start packing my lunches a lot, and to not buy anything, because my bank account got hacked??? HOW??? I really hope I didn’t sign up for something and a vulnerability was found and my information is now out to the world to use.

I’ve noticed that cis guys at this campus don’t really care that I share a bathroom with them. I’ve only used the women’s room like 3 times this week, mainly due to my own lack of confidence that I belong in the men’s room vs. anything a man has actually said to me. I guess my fears were a little irrational, or maybe college guys just don’t care. They’re in the bathroom to piss and shit, not worry about a feminine looking guy like myself.

I tried transtape for the first day of class. I definitely messed it up cuz my skin was starting to blanche and I could feel my muscles getting pulled on my left side. I can always try again a different way but I feel like even with the tape, my boobs are a little too.. How do I say this? Perky?? To be properly taped back? Cuz when I put the tape on, it kinda felt like I made my boobs look more like pecs, but it also looked like I was wearing a pushup bra sometimes; and maybe it’s my dysphoria making me insecure, but I feel like the only way for my boobs to NOT bother me is if I either got a chest binder or had top surgery. But I’m not gonna give up on the tape, cuz I spent around 30 bucks on it. So I’ll report back in the next week or two when I try again, but I'll go softer on my body.