For the nights my brain hurts

Just to preface this, I’m fine right now. This is just something I’ve noticed whenever I get to this point of thinking during what may be a spiral.

As someone whose been struggling with my mental health since I was in sixth grade, I’ve had my fair share of bad days and really low moments. And in those low moments, there’s one thought I come across: that I should just go through with it. It’s a common thought nowadays- even when I’m relatively fine or just genuinely numb? But there’s like- two things that I always tend to remember in the back burner of my brain. 

I hate being in pain, and just the process of going through with something like that is a lot of effort. I mean, everything is lately, but there’s a series of steps you gotta take for that sorta thing and I’m just too tired. I don’t have the willpower to push through much of anything lately, and I really do think those are the only reasons I don’t do it. It’s really weird. But, I mean, it keeps me from doing anything drastic, which I guess is for the best.