Friends

I fucking hate how my mom makes me feel guilty. She keeps telling me that's my fault that I can't maintain friendships, saying I'm not good enough for someone to want me as a friend. When I say hi to someone my age it take a lot of my mental strength. I'm kind, I'm friendly, I'll talk to you how long you will want, I'll give space when you need it, I respect your boundaries, I'll will try to make you feel better, I can talk to you about anything you want. I can be really a good friend, so why can't I maintain friendships? I know I'm anxious, depressed, weird and have a lot of problems of my own, I know I'm not the best student and I don't have many hobbies and I'm not very talented, I know I yap a lot and I can be annoying. But I'll really care for you. You're younger/older than me, that's okay, you have a different interest, hobby, that's fine, you like different music, movies, tv shows, books, anime or manga, tell me about it. You have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, that's fine, I'm happy for you. You have other friends/irl friends, I won't be jealous of them. I don't judge. You have any problems, I'll listen. If you want to talk, let me know. You want to share a secret, I won't tell anyone. You have a stupid joke/story, tell me, we'll laugh together. You want to tell me about your day, tell me, I'd love to hear it. You want to play a game with me, tell me and I'll try to find time. You want to voice talk, that's fine. Just know that I care about you if I keep writing to you, look through what you post, stay up all night just to talk to you. So tell me what do I need to do to be a better friend? Because no matter what I do, people ignore me, I'm everyone's third wheel, a friend you can write to when everyone ignores you, when you have no one else to talk to, and other times you didn't care about me??

I'm sorry for any mistakes,  English is not my first language, and I wrote without a translator