Fuzzy memories *vent poem*

I remember you. Of course I still do. 

I remember your smell, your smile, your teasing and your laugh. 

I hardly remember your hits, your yells, your bullying and the marks you made on my fresh skin. 

But with my fuzzy memories, the worn photographs replaced my blurred images of you.

You grinned in the all our pictures, and I smiled alongside you too. So why did you have to be so cruel when the cameras weren't on you?

I remember the good more so than the bad. Why do I only remember the good, even though it was always a trick from you?

Why was it always a trick? Why wouldn't your love for me just be real?

I remember the way I hugged you tighter when you refused to embrace me back, the way your smile dropped when I entered the room you were in. I know i'm unwanted by you, so why do I want you back with me?

I hardly remember the pain, and yet I can still feel it whenever I'm reminded of you. I feel fear of the thoughts of you, but I also feel sparks of love in my swollen heart.

Why did I feel safe with you when all you did was shout and bruise?

You hurt and you lie, you bring scared tears to my eyes, and yet I still can't help but reminisce of the good times I had with you.

Will the cracks you caused still bleed and sting even though they've been bandaged? 

Will you ever try again to reach out? Will you ever want to love me again?

Why couldn't you hug me back? Why did you have to snicker and complain at my pain?

Hospital nights were long and dark, but you were always the source of my comfort in my cold hospital bed. 

But you were never there weren't you? It was never you in that emergency room, never you in that house where I cried out for you, but you never came to the rescue.

You made the blood from my veins trickle, and yet you did nothing to stop it from running down my body.

Why did you ever comfort me in my head when you weren't even there? Why did I ever love you more than I hated you?

I was never enough for you, never the daughter you wanted wasn't I?

Why was I never enough? Why couldn't you ever just hug me back?

Dad? Do you still think of me? Because I'll never forget you.