gender

i dont know how to percieve myself. i can only conceptualize  my gender thru concepts.  like boy = grime disgust decay with a hint of princessness... and girl is like the ethereal plane: and it's very fake.  I dnont' know who I akm.  i'm also completely out of the binary.  for both.  the way i feel being a girl is more boy like but the way i feel being a boy is more girl like.  i dont kno.   its so tiring.  i wish i was just one or the other so more people woiuld like me.  im not really picky

i woudl like to be a boy.  but also a girl.  i started witg boy anf drifted to girl while pondering on that so i guess its always inevitable. i just  wish i could be more normal.  poeple woiuld like me.  ihate how thats my focus but ive always kind of been like this

i used to eb a lot more open when iw as younfer.  i came out rly young and got a lesbian haircut (LOL) and then I completely id'd as gay and trans.  then it.. got .  idk. was trans but not gay.  then i was lesbian and a bunch of other genders.  and then i was nothing and .  idk. i ve been everyhting under the sun and the onlly thing that feels right is a label that makes me feel bad about myself and one id be scrutinised for using on tiktok.  i jutst want to be liked

ive always had problems with myself due to a lot of reasons and i started questionign myself at a young age too lol.  i dated a girl online at a yoiung age.  ive only ever dated peopleo nline until recently.  i hate that, it makes me feel awkward and .  idk

peopl in my class never liked me and i got told i couldnt be a boy bcus i dindt haev what they did and that i had to use the STAFF bathroom cus parents (or the school) were/was worried about me using the boys one.  idk.  i wish iw as normal..  im not cis and i knwo that so.  idk.  sedate me