getting picked on at school

idk why that is? nobody at school even knows me, as i had literally just switched here from not being at school for a long, long time (homeschool) but i guess ill have to endure it for another few months until i move to ohio.

i guess its because i said i liked zero day once, now a group of dudes r calling me names like "school shooter" and its not even funny 

i have zero motivation to even go to school & do work, so this was really stressful on me as i dont take insults really well, and take them too personally. i get really paranoid sometimes and its a burden on me and my family because my sisters are the perfect angels and my brother is successful with a fiance and im just the loser crazy daughter who needs to be put into a psych ward. honestly, id go through that for years if it means staying away from my entitled ass family.

but some things dont change. theres only one way out of this, and its too extreme of a choice to make... to die, of course. (if i end up finding a way to do it fast and easy.)

i dont want to slit my wrists because its painful and takes too long, and hanging myself would also be unpleasant but hey they used to use that as an execution method so maybe its meant to be painful and slow.

i miss my old friends and life, but they all ended up leaving me after i got alcohol poisoning from my past of being an alcoholic because of my severe depression disorder and anxiety. maybe nothing will ever change, because im never even going to try to change myself (josie, how dare you!) i would wanna drink now if i could, but... honestly i dont wanna deal with my stupid ass family if i start vomiting again.

my life's a fuck, and theres nobody i can talk to 2 make me feel any better... well at least i have one friend i made here, i guess. but hes in a whole different country, and i prefer to see people irl because im just so isolated from the world. it gets really bad when youre in homeschool and honestly i dont think anyone would care. not even you, the person reading this stupid large piece of nothing you stumbled upon.

but theres absolutely no way to help me beyond this point, so please dont blame yourselves and farewell to you, reader, and sorry for wasting your time and energy reading this fuck of a blog.