Gone for a while..

I've been gone for quiet a few days but I have a good reason..! 

Apart from my last few days of school being shit, I spent the first weekend after school ended at a festival with my only irl friend, and well. It didn't go well. The beginning was pretty good, I had fun with my friend. Though her bf's friends pissed me off real bad. They're the kind of guys to bother everyone. Threw bottles at us, knocked on our tent just to bother us, stole those things that hold the tent down.. You get the idea. I even managed to talk to a few people! Which is surprising. People scare me. 

We played Uno most of the time, while playing Uno one of the people looking after us came over and he and my friend recognized each other. 

Yeah apparently they dated in fifth grade??Though he's gay now.  (Also at some point they started flaunting thier addictions?? One of which happened to be the one I have as well and yeah it made me relapse tbh) For a while I just followed her around while she talked with that guy, and completely ignored me, my gf offered to face time me and play Uno too, it was a bit difficult but really funny looking back on it. Id hold her cards to the camera, which covered my part of the ft so I couldn't see her cards myself. And id show her every card I put down. That cheered me up a bit and I went to the dance floor with one of the new girls id met, though I was too scared to dance ╥﹏╥.

Going to sleep on the air mattress my friend and I were supposed to share, I woke up to her grabbing her stuff to sleep with her bf, leaving me alone. While her bf's friends kept harassing me through the tent. 

I woke up another time from said guys being super loud, then again from the cold. And another time.. From the constant waking up I didn't even realize when at 7:30 am the people looking after us turned on super loud music I just slept through it for another 30 minutes, and woke up with the air mattress fully deflated. 

After hiding in my tent most of the day because I felt like shit and didn't want to do any of the workshops, the people id met earlier came to play Uno with me. I took a nap and we played more Uno. In the end I had to text my mother to pick me up because I just felt too miserable. 

Back home, we left to my grandparents house two days later. And it was actually pretty much just as miserable there. Everyday I got up, ate breakfast, went on a walk with my mother and little sister, went back to eat lunch, went on another walk with my mother and little sister, went back, took a nap while they went swimming, ate dinner, got drunk while playing cards with my family, went to sleep. Yeah I was drunk every night I was there. 

It doesn't sound bad but having to be with my grandparents was hell, I don't want to self diagnose, but I highly suspect I have ARFID (it's a type of eating disorder, the summary is that certain textures/smells/tastes of foods makes me gag/throw up, it's excessive to the point it makes me anxious of eating and strictly impacts what I can eat), and so when one day my mother cooked all the kinds of foods that I don't seem as "safe" (mainly texture wise) I settled for eating just potatoes. I didn't comment on what my grandmother cooked. I didn't complain once.

After lunch I was still hungry cus I ate basically nothing all day and I ate a hand full of potato chips, when my grandfather saw a massive fight started. Starting with him saying he should force me to eat the other stuff, my grandmother claiming I'm trying to "manipulate" her. She said, and I quote "By not eating what I cooked you're trying to manipulate me into cooking what you want! You basically said if there isn't (insert meal she promised me the day before, already cooked and literally ONLY had to warm it up) then you won't eat anything, and that's manipulating me!" (...???) 

Then she proceeded to say that "I NEED to be starved for a few days to eat normally" my mother ended up agreeing with all of them while I ran out crying because I cannot handle being yelled at. 

Then my grandmother tried telling me that she didn't have any ill intentions and just tried to help me... Help me how? I was perfectly content until you said that I apparently need to be starved and am manipulating you. Fuck off. 

Yeah that was the whole story of why I felt too miserable to write any more blogs. I'm back home, I'm completely home alone all weekend, and home with just my brother sunday-friday. Without my parents who I absolutely don't get along well with ill finally get some rest. I dug out my skateboard and guitar and will learn to play both while simultaneously playing roblox games with my long distance best friend and research indie games we can play together once I buy my new laptop (soon). 

Hope everyone has a nice weekend! 

-Angel