Gosh I hate the way I am

I HATE that I can't socialize. Like I know it's my fault and that I need to try but I lowkey also don't want to talk to anyone. And I really started to trying. I want to be able to talk to people. But I just can't. I just listen to the conversation thinking "I need to talk" and thinking what I can say but it always end up with me saying 2 sentences in 30 minutes. And it's not like if you ask me something 1v1 I won't answer. I will, It will simply be answering your question and maby few extra sentences. 

Actually if I know the person they probably won't know I have problem with things. Because I have normal conversations with them even a lot of them sometimes but they actually don't know about me a lot. They know my opinions couse I'm open about them and I think they define a person you are at some point but they don't know what I'm interested in or what I'm doing. Even my hobbys at some point. I was showing them things I did but I slowly started realizing that they really don't care at all. They were just like "okey" and move on. And I at some point stoped to reling them and even doing my hobbys as well..

OKAY THIS IS SUCH A LONG VENT. If someone actually read this I want to know why. But I think It will just stay on my account and no one will see this because I can't even talk to people online :<. Or at least I hope no one will see this...