Growing up is scary, but I'm ready. ///Ranting/Venting + Poem(I think)///

Growing up sounds so fun. It sounds like rainbows and butterflies, but seeing what my parents went through and how things went for them, I'm scared. I don't want to commit myself to something and then I end up in this miserable life. I don't want to lose the passion I have for the things I love. I want to erase the things I did in my past so it would just feel so much easier to live being myself. My past will come to haunt me forever. I will think about it every day of my life. It will never escape my thoughts. I will never be able to forget. 

I don't want to live in fear and shame continuously. I feel further from God every day. I feel like my hand is slipping from His touch the older I get. The more mature I get. I forget more often, and I am so scared that I will forget the Lord. I don't want to forget how He saved me from this Hell that I live in every single day.

On the brighter side, I get to be free. Dress like myself, be myself, breathe all by myself, walk around my own home butt-naked even. I get to worship Him truly. Lead others to the Lord like I want to. Wear bright colors and dress like I don't care anymore, even though I mentioned that already. I get to go to college. Learn and get closer to God. Be me.

Be Me.

My past is not my present. 

My present is not my past. 

I can change who I am. 

I can be who I am. 

I can show my true colors to those who need inspiration. 

I can love myself freely. 

I don't have to be a shadow in the presence of those around me. 

I can bloom like a flower early in the morning, even at midnight, even when the sun won't shine my way, even when the world starts to decay. 

I am me; I can be me; I can be inspired; I can be inspiration. 

I can admire myself. 

Admiring the person who once was me gets me nowhere but the place I am destined to be; instead, I look ahead. I look ahead for the blessings, the love, and the forgiveness. 

I don't have to be a victim anymore. 

I don't have to come up with excuses anymore. 

I am me, and I can love me.