gushing about yumeshippingggg

i remember growing up before yumeshipping existed, when the only similar concept we had was those waifu guys everyone agreed were creepy and turned into total social pariahs. if you told your friends you were in love with a fictional character they'd 100% drop you if not worse. now i'm seeing non-yumes supporting their yume friends' relationships and it warms my fucking heart so much you don't even know. probably will never tell irls about my yumeshipping but if they ever click into my social links they'll for sure find out lol

i think it's easy to look down on it when you haven't been through rough relationships throughout your life. tough family connections, very little real, close friendships, tough romantic connections. i'm going through a divorce that ended amicably but only because i'm a doormat who's always there for my partner at my own expense. i have a nasty habit of repressing my emotions, not standing up for myself, letting people treat me poorly with no consequences. just a smile and a nod and me agreeing i probably deserved that. people love to take advantage of you when they notice any kind of vulnerability like this and i'm not good at masking it. kinda feels like being a prey animal in beastars, trying to find a "real" partner. it's gotten to the point where i open up dating apps and i just feel like throwing up. and then i think about how safe gabby petito felt with her fiance and how happy and normal they looked together before... that happened. i think about how my ex didn't love me for 7 months but pretended to because... well i still don't really know why she wasn't just honest with me. i'll probably never know

people scare tf out of me for good reason. but hey, fiction is safe. my f/os are 100% incapable of harming me. that's the main appeal. 

and also, beyond the character himself, it's about his world too. when i go to sleep i play a loop of an asmr video of one of the rooms in his part of the game. ever since i moved back in with my family i've been feeling more and more desperate for some kind of escape, but because of the fucking economy i'm stuck here for at least 5-6 years until i can finally finish my degree and start a proper career, make enough money to afford my own place. i relied on my ex to "rescue me" when she let me move in with her and look where that got me, right back in the same situation i was in before. i made the classic persona 4 yukiko mistake lmfao. waited around on my ass for a knight in shining armor and it turns out she wasn't as strong or reliable as i thought. whole time i should've been trying to do it all myself.

it kind of hurts that i can't be there. i wish i could. i don't want to leave my life but, if i could step into that one for a little while, that'd be so nice. but just the sounds, imagining that world existing around me, it feels like going to sleep in someones' arms. like things are going to be alright. and i don't have to worry about those arms suddenly turning against me. <3