Had a mini episode or something just now (Another whiney vent)

I get these short almost episode-like moods where I'm super hyper and then crash into a crying mess. So far, they've been mostly harmless. All I did today was log out of my spacehey account since I never use it anymore, set up a new tumblr account to act as a scout shrine even tho I'll prob never post on it, and harass my best friend with all the ideas I had for that account and stuff. The last part is what kinda what woke me up from my mini high. I feel bad every single time I talk to them. They're such an amazing friend and I care so deeply for them. I hate that they have to deal with me, especially when I get these moods. I know that they don't mind and understand and that my only real crime is being a bit overwhelming at times, but I still feel like I committed the world's worst crime when this happens. Then I end up compulsively over-apologizing. Sometimes they have to practically grab me by the shoulders and shake me to tell me it's fine and that they don't care, but it still hurts and I don't entirely believe it. It's prob the OCD mixed with the mood disorder and stress that's making all this happen. I already saw my doctor this month and told her I'm fine so it's not like I can talk to her about what's been happening to me either. I should probably write this in my diary but idk, typing it all out just feels better - I like pressing buttons. I really love my friend and I want what's best for them, even if it means having to remove myself from them. The thing is, it's kinda hard to do that, idk why. They don't seem to actually care tho and haven't communicated that I've hurt them, but I'm still suspicious. Then again, just yesterday they asked if I wanted to go to spirit halloween with them so maybe I'm just being SUPER paranoid. I think I have some kind of complex where I view myself as always in the wrong, always the bad guy, but idk a name for the complex. I just really care about and love my friend, even if it's super gay to say. I'll stay by their side until I die or something, that's how much I care about my friends.