hallucination rant ! [TW]

TRIGGER WARNING!!!! mentions of rot/rotting, throwing up, blood, abuse, childhood trauma, disturbing things in general

so uhm im bored asf so im gonna be doing a little rant about my most persistent hallucinations!

I."Ea" (romanian for "she") - Ea was my first ever hallucination, i started seeing her at 6 and rarely see her anymore (and when i do see her shes a rotting corpse). she used to be a girl my age, except she was what i wanted to look like/be like at that age (long wavy hair, fair skin, cute and doll like girl in general, popular etc etc you get it i was a weird kid and everyone hated me and i yearned for social connection), i remember being very jealous at how pretty she was even if she was a product of my imagination. she used to care for me whenever life got hard, i really liked when she hugged me while crying or after getting beaten. i dont have much memory from when i was a kid but most of them are with this specific hallucination

II. The Stairs - when i was 13, i woke up in the middle of the night and felt thirsty so i wanted to go downstairs, grab a water bottle and sprint back to bed, but when i got to the stairs i blinked a bit too hard trying to adjust to the light and my whole vision went black for a while and i panicked HARD. when my vision was back i saw a whole pool of blood on the stairs as well as rotting flesh laying in the blood, it was so bad i could smell it and again i was disturbed because i did have gruesome hallucinations before but this one i could SMELL. i went to my parents room and didnt find them there, i went to my sisters room and i couldnt find her and the pool of blood was FOLLOWING me and the smell of literal rot was intensifying and i ended up throwing up and crying in the bathroom

III. The Deer - this is one of my most recent ones, the deer is just a deer but mutilated and with a human head sewn on the body. i dont consider it very disturbing but i can smell it and it creeps me the hell out. (the deer smells again like rot, skin and rain)

note that these are only my most persistent ones, i have other ones besides these but theyre just background noise and too many to even remember

have a great night everydeer!!!