happy asf to constantly look a mess 😂

no im fine for sure.

no wait actually im not, i want to die.

actually.. i can't feel anything sooo im fine again.

it hurts, i sleep.

no im not okay again, more sleep should fix this.

that's been my life for a whileee..

now, im well aware nobody reads this bs but hey, i enjoy it so who cares.

back to the topic at hand of course,

heartbreak.

or, maybe not just heartbreak. it could be many things and we'd never know.

im still in contact with my ex and well.. we broke up very recently so it hurts like actual hell.

im trying soooo hard to get back with him. everything was so sweet and perfect and i fucked up.

he forgave me, buuuuut won't get back with me.

ive been praying, and ive never even been religious so im not too good at it.

i could manifest or manipulate him, or do nothing and let it play out normally.

but of course i dont do normal. its never been my thing really.

now, every once in awhile i feel this sharp pain in my heart, from god knows what.

and all i know is it hurts bad. like bad bad.

you know, there's that think called broken heart syndrome.

i personally feel like i would be the kind of person to suffer from it.

im always either hopeless or in denial.

oh god im dying inside, i can feel myself rotting.

on the outside it seems like a normal breakup too, but i assure you it's more.

ive dated him before, and it never hurt this badly so it's slightly confusing as to why it does now.

i have no friends so uhh.. he was my only one.

that means im extra lonely when he leaves.

that's why it's so hard for me to accept i think. 

whoever is reading this, can you like do some type of witchcraft or manifestation or prayers for me, i swearrr it is that serious 😓