Imagine you write down a fully fledged comment. Full of advice and helpful stuff because the person who's blogging is dealing with something. And then you have this moment. This awful awful moment of insecurity.
"What if my advice is trash?"
"What if I am objectively wrong?" (even though I have fact-checked them a million times and they are correct, and the brain is just being paranoid)
"What if they do the things I advised them to do, but it gets worse for them?"
"What if they don't like to be advised?"
And many more examples of one's brain being completely paranoid for no reason at all. What if this, what if that, I wish my brain would shut up sometimes.
How many comments have I not sent because of this? Many. Do I regret not sending them? Perhaps. But not always. I just feel like "I said nothing before and I say nothing after. What's the big deal about this, honey?" and move on. Imagining that I didn't get into drama because the person suddenly turned out to hate it when people advise them, but also feeling sad that my advice might've been helpful and I just sabotaged that by being so paranoid.
It's truly a paradoxical feeling. And it's not just online, it sometimes happens in real life. The moments when I am silent but there's a lot on my mind to tell, and yet I am silent, afraid of backlash, afraid of something wrong happening because I said something.
And I guess this paranoia comes from past experiences. Where bad things had happened and either me myself blamed it on myself or others, consciously or unconsciously did. Or from the things I have seen happen to people just becausethey said something that sounded slightly wrong.
...
I need to rant less.
Thank you for spending time reading this, have a good day/night.
Comments
Displaying 3 of 3 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
flowersnbullets [them]
I feel this a lot. It used to be way worse for me when I was younger, but I've learned to communicate what I feel better even if its just a bit. There are some changes I've done that have helped me feel like I can be part of those conversations even though my responses aren't perfect.
If the person isn't asking for advice from the start, i ask if they want advice or if they just want to be heard. It's helped ease my anxieties. I also keep in mind that any advice may not be the best for their case & that ultimately, the person asking for advice will choose what works best for them. The advice we give doesn't have to be perfect, because it comes from our experiences as imperfect people.
victorisavampire
this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i can know im 100% true but still be scared that there's a tiny piece of info that i havent recognised, or a fact i dont know. ESPECIALLY when talking about my political beliefs. its so scary especially because i hate being told im wrong
Vampsza
That sounds like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, no worries I have it too.