how do i make money with art while actively miserable

i've been struggling to draw lately. like nothing turns out good! or maybe i'm just depressed and i hate myself. it's been stunting my growth which has been stunting my art business. i've tried branching out into other things, like learning graphic design and stuff, but i'm not all that good at those things either. this feeling of uncertainty is certainly worsened by the fact my parents kind of hate me and i'd like to move out as soon as humanly possible. living on my own requires me to have some sort of income though, and since art is usually my income source, i just haven't been able to like. do that. i don't really know how to apply for a normal job, nor am i really able to ask anyone about it without causing an argument.

all of this has been making me really suicidal and self-loathing. i cut for the first time recently and it was really relieving, i wanna try again and get deeper in. i also have attempted to jump out of a window slash balcony 4 days in a row so i'm getting pretty desperate. nothing to smile about in my life. such things.

ART OF THE DAY:

figure practice that i turned into my favorite horse. i'm not too happy with this. or really anything in my life