how to open a bottle of wine with a shoe

its about 5 am when im writing this. its the fourth of july tomorrow and i get to see one of my buds for the first time, but i don't really care. i just got done hanging out with my girlfriend and gosh is it great. as dumb as it sounds, she makes me feel like im actually meant for things. like there's more to life then the display of my laptop, like there's more to life then this stupid house in high sky california. its such a beautiful thing, and i couldn't be more happier. in other news, friends. our friend group has been really active recently with tons of people who usually remain in a backseat joining calls and actually participating. even though its all been very lively, the tension in the group has been high. maybe its just something i've been noticing but things feel strained and ready to snap. its no ones fault for it of course, but somethings shifting and i'm having trouble pinpointing what. its so bullshit! whatever though, i have better things to worry about anyways. like my summer school!! im almost a week behind on it, LUL!!!!!!!! hahahahah! honestly i should worry about it more. i think i'm gonna. prooooobabbbblyyyyyy?????? my birthday is in if you're seeing this blog you should toooootallllyyy listen to 'and it sings for itself' by newfound interest in connecticut. my birthdays in 2 days, so think of it as an early birthday gift, yeah? the suns coming up, i got to wrap this up soon. 7 hours. i'm trying to be more of a person to my word, so here's how to open that wine bottle straight off of a page from a magazine.

1. get a bottle of wine.

2. get a shoe. high tops add extra grip.

3. find a cement or brick wall. don't use drywall, you'll go straight through it.

4. place the bottom of the wine bottle in the heel of the shoe. make sure its flush.

5. hold the neck of the bottle with one hand and firmly grip the bottom of the shoe with your other hand.

6. bang the bottom of the shoe against the wall while holding the neck of the bottle. pressure will build inside the bottle, pushing the cork out. 

7. when the cork is 3/4 of the way out, remove it. if you wait too long you'll spill wine on the floor.

8. drink the bottle of wine with your friends and talk about the good times you've had and the good times to come.

i can't fact check if it's a good and proper guide as, well, my parents don't buy wine and if they did, they would for sure notice it being tampered with. whatever though, goodbye.