Huge Life Update

Sorry for not being on here for a while now LIFE GOT SO BUSY FOR ME but I'll try to get on here at least every weekend (no promises tho). 

So where I last left off with u guys was when I was venting abt what felt like some other person in my head that made me crazy and obbsessive but I figured out a way to use that to my advantage, so that part of myself would constantly crave and yearn for attention from other people but even if I got that, it would be temporary and that happiness would quickly fade away because I didn't love myself I couldn't have cared less about what happend to me, in fact, I hated myself. I realized that this would be an endless cycle if I continued in this destructive mindset so I shifted that way of thinking to be towards myself like in the way I I would crave love from myself and I would and this has helped me learn to love myself which I didn't think would be possible for me but it was!

Secondly, I left off saying that I was nervous to start school because all of middle school and highschool so far I had been homeschooled but after I moved, I was going to start public school and I was super nervous abt it cuz I didn't know if I would adjust to it well but now I have an update abt it after being a quarter way done with this school year. ITS SO AWESOME I got rlly lucky (other than a few of my teachers but the one I was most worried abt wass my potential math teacher but thank God she's amazing and helps me understand math sm better)and I made a lot of friends bc I was determined to never be as lonley as I was in homeschool ever again so I steeped out of my comfort zone and started to make friends and talk to ppl whenever I could and it has rlly paid off! I even met this one guy who I kinda like and I think he might like me too! But I learned my lesson with rushing into a relationship with my ex so I'm not taking my crush too seriously yet but its fun. I was getting super worried and I have a hard time trusting him at times even though he's a rlly good guy bc of my past experiences with guys and I would get super mad at hi if i suspected him of ignoring me or one time he didnt hang out with me at lunch even tho we made plans (apparently his friends stopped him but I still think he was in the wrong cuz we made plans first but its not a super big deal now cuz he seems to be getting better from his mistake) and basically I would get super super angry (ofc not to his face that would be super rude) and journal. I prayed for God to remove him from my life if he was going to hurt me countless times bc when I did that with one of my crushes in the past, God wasted no time in removing them but God never removed him. God has told me he is in my life for a reason and I have a hard time trusting that he wont hurt me but I am learning to trust God and that God will protect me and that I should open myself to the idea that God doesn't just remove stuff from my life but he also adds to my life. Also I was super worried abt how my grades would turn out and I have straight A's! So I'm very proud of myself for how well I've adapted to public school.

Third of all, moving to Nevada has given me a unique oportunity in starting over again and this time starting over right! Those who know me know that I used to live in California for my childhood then moved to Florida in late 2020 when the pamdemic was starting to calm down a little bit and I had a lot of trauma there and hated living there and this year my family decided to move to nevada since it was close to california which is where their business is and now I get to start my life over agian! Ive struggled with trying to run away from my past in Florida but I'm learning that I can't erase my past but I can grow and learn from it. So far, I love Nevada infinitely more than Florida; in fact, I like it even more than California! I live somewhere where the mountains and hills are very visible and close everywhere and that was what I was most excited abt when I learned we were moving bc I love the mountains sm and there is NONE in Florida but now I'm surrounded by them! We also visit my family in Cali very often which is one of the things I missed most so I'm very blessed and privillaged in that I get that opportunity again. And I can now hang out with my childhood friend again bc we became long distance friends after I moved to FLorida which made us kinda grow away from each other a little bit but now that I live kinda close to her we're  starting to get closer again and actually the day before my birthday, we watched the new movie Wildwood together (amazing movie btw it was beautiful)! 

Lastly, some other small updates:

My room is starting to loo amazing cuz I got some antique drawers and a desk and I have my cousin's old bedframe now which is super cool (just so yall get an idea, she was a kid in the 2000's and a teen in the 2010's so its that kind of style)and I'm currently looking for a high heel chair (which will be one of my greatest finds when I find one) that will be the chair to my desk and I'm gonna DIY a canopy bed thing so my bed will look EVEN COOLER and I'm thinking of trying to find a coffin shelf thingy to showcase some of the stuff I collect.

My birthday was October 25th and I turned 17 and for my 17th birthday I was in California and I hung out with my friend (yall know that already) and I got my long hair cut into a pixie cut! (Shout out to the hair stylest at supercuts who did my hair I could tell she was also alternative and knew what she was doing and she was awesome and my hair looks great!) I also got sushi for lunch which is my favorite food so I had a great birthday.

Halloween was yesterday and I made all of my costume all by myself through thrifted materials and it took genuine blood, sweat, and tears to make it and I'm suprised I even did it and not only that but it looked pretty good! BTW I was Harley Quinn from Batman the Animated Series. Halloween itself was ok, nothing too crazy happend, I went trick or treating with my sister cuz none of my friends could hang out but it was still fun. One thing I learned abt myself is that I'm NEVER making my ENTIRE costume again bc I put too much pressure on myself and its rlly stressful but at least I actually did it.

That's all for now hopefully I'll be able to get on here every weekend and give more updates or tell u some stories I have bc trust me I have a lot more now but I'll see yall later byeeee!