i am FALLING APART i am CLOSE to BREAKING

i swear to cod honestly like im going crazy??? why do i feel like this??? i was just OK earlier today and now im like all desperate i feel so anxious i feel so energetic and i feel so idk stressed? nothing is happening soon , its all going ok, but i feel like im on the verge of just screaming and crying and this time its so bothersome and annoying and ugh i cant DEAL with this im so annoyed im so mad im so idk whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whateVER IWHATEVEERRRRRRRrrrRRRRrrrRRrrrRRRRRRRRRrr 

I DONt understand why i have to be this way . sometimes well most times well honestly all the time i feel like my breath is running out and i feel a deep need of having someone calm me down and maybe thats just what i need i feel like i lack someone just hugging me tight every night but i dont know i just dont fucking know . whenever other people try to do something for me i feel bad for them because people are so kind sometimes to someone like me thats not really deserving of such good deeds but i do like it but it just makes me feel shitty cause people are worrying about me and i dont deserveit ....

im all over the place im a mess like i usually am anyways i will always be one no matter how hard i try not to and im blaming today on underscores like dont get me wrong if it wasnt for live at carnegie hall u would def be my favourite album but wish u well definitely fucked my day up like i was just on the bus chilling and it came on and like ,,,, "and if im being honest with myself i dont want closure / i want to feel the gravity of losing you / my worst nightmare coming true" bro WHAT made her say that WHAT!!!!!! js ugh gut wrenching too similar to what i lived last wekk whatever i should go to sleep shouldnt i whatever WHATEVS guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh