i am getting worse

sometimes, when i see unjust people, doing such horrible things, sometimes, i just think to myself, just bury them under your car already.
but that's not good, is it? that's why i stopped consuming content about "satisfying" revenge... because then it all started to endorse violence. i don't like that, i don't want to be a person who gets satisfied when someone is killed. that's really scary. i stopped letting my anger get to me today. that's okay. but now i'm becoming paranoid again. sometimes i feel like when i do something sinful, something bad will happen to me. specifically, i think i'm going to die. i feel like any moment, my heart will rupture, or someone will kill me. thudding and the creaking of my house sends me into hypervigilance for a bit. i'm really scared of people killing me. that's why i'm not so angry anymore. it's really scary to be known or have enemies. that's why i don't want to talk to anyone. they could all kill me one day. 

sometimes i believe that there is a specific day where i will die . i can just feel it, i can just feel and know when i'm going to die. and when that day passes, i'm going to thank God that he spared my life