i can feel my bones.

i hate it. i can feel the creaking in my flesh, my muscles moving, my eyelids pulsing with blood.

as i type i can feel blood rushing in my ears, my arm adjusting itself and heart pumping blood through my veins.

is this what it feels like to be alive, as a normal person?

because if it is, i don't think i'll enjoy life very much. i feel the world around me too much, and i don't feel at peace.

like a pond being hit with a rock, an uneven, ugly, rock. it ruins everything!

i chronically zone out and i'm already forgetful, but feeling alive is so much worse. i'm not suicidal, but shit i hate this. 

the life of being chronically ungrounded.