i cant do it anymore

Slowly, I realize that im the worst person in the world, why? I don't know.. i just think like that ever since I think about my past problem that i caused and that made me become me right now; it actually makes me slowly fall apart, I'm not hurting myself physically, but mentally. 
i always ruin everything, party, friendships, relationship, even family, it makes me want to uhmm yk.. but I refuse it everytime im about to do it and just ended up another failed attempt, wishing everything is gonna be alright even though i know its almost imposible, i always keep myself positive but i just cant.. i know myself from my horrible act, disgusting thing that I can't forgive myself for.
I genuinely wonder when this is gonna get better or am i gonna end up rotten on my own bed or will I actually succeed in my attempt?