I can't do it no matter how much I think about it,

I am tired, I am pissed the fuck off but I won't kill myself. I won't kill myself because I am young, because I am excited for my future, because we will all die in less than two years, because I love my friends, because I depend on them, because I am excited to see them every day, because I enjoy being with them, because I am no longer lonely and do not wanna waste it, Because I have history, Because I will still not be free if I end it, Because I dont know what will happen after, Because I don't know where we go when we die, because heaven is not real and I do not wanna be trapped in eternal darkness afterwards, I will stay millions of years after and not be able to do anything. I will rot. I will be forgotten.