I can’t find help anywhere.

My family won’t stop insulting me about the fact that I have planned a suicide in early 2027. I already fucked my whole body with red scars, I almost lost my life from excessive bleeding and had to take care of the situation alone because of fear I’d be taken my privileges to live before I’d take it and yet they still have the audacity to say that It’s me.  They always say “I might not be good at taking care of you but I want the best for you” and they suddenly go like “this is reality, your being influenced to end your life, It’s all your style affecting you.” I so hate myself and I might end my life earlier than I expected, I just want to be forever far from everyone since nobody gave me space in this cruel world. One day they all will wake up and I won’t.