I CANT stand my self

So for the biggest part of my life i was alone asf ,ik how to talk to ppl but i feel uncomfortable a LOT so i just try to finish with them quickly so I can get back to my peace but I fell sooo alone .I mean I always took care of myself and know that nobody would have love me like I do but ppl dont realy seem care about me at all ,I also have stric mom she doesnt realy talk to me that much but I am not allwed to go out that often and she (and my other family)have a stric dress cod for me and any girl in my family but they dont realy care about me as long as i am not doing what i want.