i dont feel like i have a home

im not gonna pay attention to grammar mistakes etc i just wanna pour my heart out 

whenn i was 8 my family left sria the country i was born in my home back then i cant say i remember much from my childhood there it all kinda weird just the old house etc 

when i moved to germany veverything was new to me and to be honest i adjusted yself reall well i love it here but my problem starts with the fact that i feel like i belong here that this country is my home but eventually i got a reality check when someone asked me where my home i said the nae of my village i live in but no they wanted my origin ofc its syria..

one year before the civil war ended so like 3 ish years ago i visted the country well basically aleppo the city i was born in and grew up in  and i felt like a total strager the way i dress the way i talk the way i think the way i observe evrything felt diffrent  and the worst was that i then was told by some auntie at a gathering that im german now and cant really call myself a syrian wich fair enough i have spend more time in germany than syria but it stung for some reason bc the people of my supposed homme didnt see me as one of them and it hurts when i came back to germany  after i also realized im diffrent than the other germans even tho i beld in well i still kinda look diffrent specific featurs yk? i have pale skin and brown eyes and brown haire so yeah..

ever sinvce then i felt like the odd one out like some person trying to fit in somewhere but it wont fit 

kinda like a puzzle piece that kinda fit but the other puzzel pieces around it arent compatibel with it either..to be honest i think im close to accepting it maybe i just belong to both places maybe in the future ill visit a country and feel like home i cant be sure im still young but the feeling of knowing both of the countries that  belong to you that you own sitizenship of they still see you as someone diffrent

-mariam