i dont have to sit in self-pity but i still do

A while ago i came to the realization something foundational was missing about me. i have not fit in completely into one group since elementary, and somehow, in my senior year, i doubt it'll start this year. A part of the reason im going to college isnt because just getting an education. I see college as a fresh start, somewhere new (hopefully) where i dont know anybody and dont have any obligations to see anyone i used know, family-wise, Friend-wise, acquaintance-wise, etc., for at the least 10 months. Its just me, my roommate, and the classes i have to take. 

i find solance in not seeing anyone, i dont have to and i literally can't. I dont have to see the stupid kids at my school who are better than me, in every regaurd, in every genre or step in life. I can finally be free of feeling like im not doing enough, because i've accomplished what ive set out to do since the beginning, and all and all, thats enough for me. Being in gym always reminds me of why i think my current highschool sucks, and its not even the schools fault itself. I dont fit in here, and everybody that i do fit in with dont really care about school, or are extroverts who have better, more charismatic, less insecure people to hang out with. Not that i show that im insecure about anything, if yoy met me in real life id probably come off as humorous, lighthearted, irreverent. I show i care for my friends just a tad bit more than they care for me, at least for some of them. Im guessing this doesnt help with the whole "outsider" feeling lol. 

8everybody's already established. theres no point in trying to talk to new people because theyre not going to put any time into talking to you, and theres a fine line to walk when being consistent, but not annoying when talking to new peoole.  

it feels like i spend most of my days trying to prove im not a worthless piece of shit, when, on all accounts, i am. I do nothing anyone would consider cool or interesting, and its honestly a wonder as to how i have a girlfriend. I actually use to pay money on this dating app to promote my profile so there would be a higher chance of girls hitting me up first so i wouldnt have to put myself out and embarrass myself.

i have a test and ive been typing this walking through the hallways of my school and am currently late for the test. im gonna fail it anyway, or complete questions with the calculator, which youre not suppsoed to do. even my wins are illegitimate