I don't know what I'm doing wrong

This sentence often passes my mind. The others are doing fine from what I see, even if that thinking is really superficial. So I must be doing something wrong. But I don't know what. It must be the world who wrongs me, the teachers, my classmates, its all their fault. Probably. Mayhaps. Perchance. But it really isn't, and the annoying part is that I know that. And it bothers me to no end. 

I'm just lazy, that's it. I don't learn from my mistakes. 12 years of school and I still do the same thing every exam. I don't study, I tell myself that the next exam will go good, I don't put any effort into anything. My expectations are extremely low so I don't get disappointed from the results of my minimal effort. I'm just exhausted, passes my mind as well. Exhausted from what exactly. Help won't do anything, I get enough support and help, if I bothered to ask for it. I don't have any excuses. There's no something which makes my life annoying, it's me myself. And I know it. 

I know what to do about it. I know I should change my lifestyle as soon as possible, I know I need a change. And I know it probably won't happen. Unless I'll get a grip, which I ALSO know I won't. It's just so annoying to search for excuses, so I don't bother anymore. It's okay to be honest, so I really hate it when those excuses pass my mind. I don't want to be lazy AND a liar who wallows in my own selfpity. 

Verity verity verity verity