I feel like I’m 10 again

For context, when I was 10, I was severely paranoid because soemone sexually harassed me. Like…hypervigilant as fuck, anxiety attacks every day, stuff like that. And now I’m experiencing it again but duller. Another ex post I know very annoying. 

Right now I’m hypervigilant constantly. I’m always looking around to see if they’re near me, and if they are, I get extremely scared and angry. I saw them twice today and felt really shaky, but my trauma has also lead me to try and be more dominant, so I kept walking the way I was going. One time going down the stairs (they know damn well I need the rail more than they do my legs are very weak) and the second time in the canteen and that guy put a hand over his face and walked away and i went back to where I was meant to be. Fundamentally I understand that he can’t avoid me, and I don’t really want him to because that would be unhealthy, but it doesn’t mean I get any less angry whenever I do see him. 

I keep having nightmares about them. I smell them in the air. I’m scared of his face. I’m glad I haunt him, though, I’m glad they’ve seen me. They deserve to see my beautiful face and regret all of their actions. 

Sorry for all of the posts about this random but I just need to get my thoughts out. I already have a lot of symptoms of c-PTSD (I probably have it along with other things) and this guy has added to it. I think ive made a blog exactly like this. dont worry guys im just very disturbed. 

the thing is I’m taller than them and I wear a big ass coat so I probably look large and in charge whenever he sees me bro. Looking frankenstein’s monster as fuck. I do not look like an abuse victim. Especially because I’m the one who gets into THEIR way rather than them purposefully getting into mine. But if you don’t want to get trampled by me in the halls dont fucking… abuse me? and get out of my way like you should and like I deserve after what you’ve done to me? thanks .