i feel like nobody has ever felt like how i feel

I feel like the only one that has ever been in my shoes before and, other than a therapist, theres no real person i can ask for help with how i feel

i havent met one person whos ever taken the steps needed to get to where i am in life. i just feel like i cant complain about anything    nothing's going so wrong where i would need outside help to deal with my issues, but nothings going so right where i feel accomplished for getting it, or more accurately, myself, to that point. everything ive ever done just feels like i was expected to do it, like ive never had an original idea that was good enough to constitute it as my own.

my biggsst accomplishment would probably be the youtube channel im abandoning. theres this combination of music that i used to make, where you take loud drums and essentially layer them over emo songs. and thats it. nothing else ive done, not even that, can be constituted as original. even the ideas i steal or things i play or processes i follow, im not good at them. i feel like im never gonna be the best in anything, that there will always be someone better, more likable, more anything than me that people will want to look up to

this sounds loser-ish, but ive always related to the guy in 2nd place clapping for first place in movies. i could try my best in everything i do and just end up not succeeding or being outstanding in it, or i could barely try at all and end up in the same position with more energy to spare. accomplishment isnt a familiar feeling to me. the last time i felt accomplished is when i finally learned empricial functions in chemistry, and that was almost 2 years ago at this point. theres no point in trying to do or show out for anything because there's always someone who outclasses you

i know its not the best or most productive mindset to have, and ive realized this, but everyday it gets affirmed time and time again. i won't invent anything that makes anyones lives better, i wont produce anything that inspires others, ill just be yet another person who born and died without contributing anything to anyone, and it seems like many adults either haven't come to this conclusion, or do and dont get hung up on it.

im glad i made this account. this originally was gonna be somewhere where i just promoted whatever i made but its becoming more of an online diary. ive never had a diary before. 

in feeling like im the only person whos ever felt like this i also feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things.