I feel like such a shitty friend, man

So, I love my best friend, right? And I'm not a bad friend in practice, or theory for that matter. But I'm just so jealous.

Specifically of her relationship. To put a perspective on things, I was dating my ex for about a year, and it was a pretty messy break. I tried to make it clean, I really did! Then he went and started talking bad about me, and a bunch of other stuff came out too. It made me take off the rose tinted glasses and finally see that I was doing everything in that relationship and it was becoming such a heavy load that I just couldn't carry it anymore. 

Now I see her with her boyfriend and it's just been everything I ever wanted. A person who actually treats the relationship as an equal effort, actually wants to help her through things, doesn't force her to be the mature one or anything like that. Everything my relationship wasn't, y'know? I just can't help but be jealous. 

I love being there for her, I love her, she's one of my closest friends, and I'll always be happy for her. I'd never do anything to hurt her. It just gets to a point where I get so tired of being single while all of my friends are so happy. I'm just annoyed by it because it feels like I'm doing everything right, too. I'm out there, I'm involved, all of it.

I dunno, I just needed to get it off my chest.

- i ♡ z0mbi3s