I feel lonely

I have many Friends I will admit but I have never felt connected with my friends in the Same way I did with this one Person that I am now Long distance with .. 😭 I always talk to my friends and hang out with them but no matter how much we talk or hangout there’s unspoken words that I’d wanna say and can’t because they just aren’t connected with me in that way. I don’t exactly act my age mostly but I’m not like acting grown most of the time I just act a bit more older or mature at some times and my humor isn’t that similar to most my friends so usually I don’t really get to say all I wanna say. My one friend in almost all my classes we’ll call her pen and pen is kinda woke but only when she wants to be… she’ll see someone joke about something serious and call it unfunny but then she jokes about molesting me and raping me which I don’t know how to tell her how I really feel about those jokes since my connection with her isn’t as strong as I’d like it to be as well as my other friends obviously. She also will continuously grope my butt and thighs and inner thighs after I repeatedly tell her to stop and she just thinks it’s funny. I wish I could make online friends since that’s mostly where I’ll find people that get me more so than at school but my mother is quite strict and tries to tell me that she restricts me from a bunch because I am young and she is protecting which I am grateful for but I am getting older and stuff now. My friends just aren’t my clique right now and I wish I could find people in my area or near me that isn’t my family nor people who make me uncomfortable that I could hang out with more often than I do with my current friends. Idk what else to put no one readin allat