I give up

this is going to sound so entitled and spoiled but being peoples number one is so tiring somtimes

I have to be there, comfort them, because i love them yeah but they never know how to do the same back. I don't blame them, I grew up with suicidal loved ones all around me, im used to knowing what to say to people and knowing what they need. It's just disapointing when I forget not everyone is (and this sounds so shitty) as emotionally mature as I am. Not everyone had to learn to talk someone off a ledge when they were 9. So i keep quiet I keep everything to myself, i can handle it myself. 

can i really? probably not but i perfer it over another "oh im so sorry" messages from my closest.  i give up.