I got ghosted and my life’s falling apart

Okay so a few days ago my ex ghosted me and I’m Morse so hurt about the audacity than the actual ghosting. Cause he cheated on me several times, even on holidays and I was nice enough to take him back then he ghost ME? Damn, should’ve seen that one coming. Guess it’s on me for thinking he’d change. Never going back to him. 

But instead of moving on like a normal person I’m in an odd place. I want to move past this, but I’m mentally ill so I simply cannot. I have to constantly remind myself not to harm myself and that I am enough and I cannot sit in silence with my own thoughts. I’m quite literally my biggest hater and I don’t know how to stop this. I am unable to seek therapy at this time and even when I do the words die in my mouth and I can’t say anything. 

But I try to look on the bright side and I don’t wanna come on here complaining 24/7. I recently finished my fashion school program, supper fun! And my family is looking into opening a beauty related business for me when I’m older and I’m starting high school soon (idk why I added that, that’s not a good thing) but I guess I have to try my best to look on the bright side when I’m stuck in the storm 😭