I hate my life

Last night I tried to OD, clearly it didn't work which sucks. I hate everything about my useless life, I'm such a horrible person I genuinely believe I don't deserve to live. I try so hard just to feel like shit all the time. It also doesn't help that my ED is getting worse by the second. Maybe hiding things well isn't such a good thing, I talked to my mom earlier and all I said was, "I'm tired". She kept asking me many questions like she knew something was wrong. All I wanted to do in that moment was to break down and cry, my mom has never noticed if I looked tired or not, that was when I realized how fucked up this shit makes me. I still don't understand how i'm not gone after like 40 perc... Anyways, I'm not making it past 17.