I hate that I was born like this

I hate that I can’t just do simple common sense! I can do academic things really well and stuff, but not something as stupid as fucking common sense. Why can’t I do something so simple as to think when I act? It makes me feel like such shit when I don’t. People continuously keep yelling at me about it when it’s something I can’t control. Do you think I can force myself to remember? Do you think I can force myself to focus like you can? Do you really fucking think that I can force myself to stop being impulsive and all the things you continuously say is wrong with me? I literally have to take medication to fix a lot of those things!, AND IT’S STILL NOT ENOUGH! It’s never enough. They keep saying that I have to do these specific things to fix it, but do you think I’m going to remember them ever saying that? NO! I feel like I have to continuously punish myself just to get anything this simple right. I hate that I was born like this.

I try to be optimistic, which I typically am most of the time, but it’s so fucking hard to when you’re continuously told by everyone around you that you’re shit.

I can’t help but believe them sometimes.

I don’t deserve the life I have, because of how I am. I’d rather be a normal person and have never gotten the big opportunities that I have now and be normal, because as much as people say that “being different is a superpower!”, it’s really not. Yes, a lot of it is fun, but most of it isn’t. That’s why I’m even typing this in the first place. I just continue to overreact over things that are so so so so small. I hate it. I hate that I’m like this. I hate it.