i jate my hob

So I work at this retail job that I honestly hate tuesdays and thursday. It's a record store job which sounds awesome and queer as fuck on the surface but it's run like shit and they use AI for flyers even tho the owner knows that I'm an art/graphic design major. An example of the store operating rlly badly was when we had preorders for the last Rosalia and Bad Bunny albums which proceded to get delayed for a few months. Instead of, you know, updating everyone about the status of the pre-orders through a social media post it was complete and utter radio silence from his end, which led to a lot of angry customers coming my coworker and I's way while my boss took none of the blame for almost scamming everyone. It reached a point where one time this guy came in a super agitated mood over the fact that he wanted his Rosalia vinyl THAT SAME DAY, mentioning that his partner died before it came and it genuinely broke my heart. Emotionally i wasn't able to continue that shift, only for my boss to complain that he "wants someone that can handle that sort of stuff at the job". Like bitch this is a fucking record store I'm not going to the fucking army or working at a crisis hotline! AND ITS MY FIRST JOB TOO BITCH!!! Now I'm so jaded that I don't rlly take annoying ass customers that seriously anymore but given that the incident happened a few months into the job its like what do you expect?

 Sprinkle in my boss being lowkey transphobic and my only other coworker being a homophobic white boy and it's been a roughhhh year and a half at that job. With my final year of university looming around the corner I have to switch my shifts over to the weekends which is really scary for me considering that I'll almost have no time to do other stuff with my friends or partner or to generally unwind after uni. I've tried to quit my job the past couple of months, applying to a coffee place in a mall that my friend worked at without a response and also to work-study at my university which I'm not suuper hopeful about getting. I'm also slowly but surely starting to adopt a "the job market sucks why should I even bother" mindset which is doing me way more harm than good. 

In the end I sort of realized that I'm very much stuck between a rock and a hard place since I ultimately do need the money to be able to pay for my HRT and to eventually save up for Lazer Hair Removal, so I'm staring down a future where I have to stay working there for another year and it's genuinely dread inducing. I just wanna do something non-retail relatedd even if it's for a little bittt!!! I'd like to think that I don't ask for much....

My only ways of coping with my job is just playing the music I like and periodically having rlly nice conversations with both my other coworkers (the building where I'm at is a pop-up store so there's other businesses aside from the record store) and some of the people that buy stuff there. I've made a lot of friends from my job which I'm eternally grateful for but I'm constantly on edge about my boss doing another badly managed preorder which'll haunt me until the end of time. Also doesn't help that I get misgendered by literally everyone so I have to battle both the anxiety my job causes me and my gender dysphoria. It's like I'm constantly trying to not have a "Isabel at the end of I Saw The TV Glow" moment. I also just have a rlly bad connection to my record collection now, and the entire hobby of vinyl gives me 0 joy now since everytime I buy something I end up going "this is just going to be background noise at my job". 

Here's hoping that work study actually saves me because if not I'm gonna have to go handing out resumes at every single job at the local mall and hope for the best LMAO