I just want to talk

You know... it feels as though sometimes I ruin the conversation. I just want to talk to someone about everything and nothing, but none of my friends actually want to. 

I kinda feel unwanted... or like no one actually became friends with me, at least not the full me. Can I really blame them though? I mean its not like I show my full self to them. I just really want to talk. I want to talk so much that my voice grows hoarse. But I also don't like talking. Whenever I talk I can sense such a drastic shift in mood. And sometimes I really just don't want to speak to people, I don't mind messaging but actually talking?

I hate it.

I hate how I have to force myself to talk.

I just don't want anyone to think I'm being rude because I feel like if utter a single word I might just want to dig a hole and bury myself in it because I'm so tired and cannot stand to see people anymore.

I doubt anyone will read this.... but if anyone does: hope you have a whimsical day.