I kinda died today but didnt?

So i dont wanna talk much abt what happened leading up to it but just know I stuggle severly with self love and I often have suicidal thoughts (not that I would ever actually do it tho) and today the strangest thing happened to me. call me crazy but if other universes exist, I def died in one of them. I felt the effects here tho It took incredible effort to move and I tried to make noise to show that I was still alive but all that came out was weird gurgling and groans. and when I was finally able to pull myself off from the ground, it was rlly hard to balance and walk. I was limping rlly weirdly while holding myself up against the wall so I wouldnt fall. I went to my mirror and even tho my eyes appeard normal, there was something so unsettling abt them, it was rlly uncanny. I was looking into the eyes of a dead person. My body has never felt so heavy in my life. There is only one time I remember experiencing some form of death and it was the complete opposite experience. I had a dream a few years ago and I was laying in my recently deceased grandma's bed and what I remember is that I was struggling and using my whole strength to seperate my soul from my body and it took a bit but I did it and it was the most freeing thing ever. I had no weight and no worries. I was free. But this time it felt like I died but my soul was still stuck in the body. I was super worried for my alternate universe self bc she was so so close to getting out of florida and moving away and she was so close to finally being near home and hanging out with her childhood friend often again and I was super worried for her friends and family. I then realized that God did this so that I could see that I do in fact love myself somewhat. I just only can truly care for myself when I view myself from the perspective of someone else. That's what I need to learn how to fix, I need to learn how to love and care for myself from the perspective of myself. I'm not too sure if I believe in other universes but I think it was used as a sign from God to me to not end it. It doesnt matter if some other version of me died somewhere or not bc this mightve helped save me.