i missed my girlfriends birthday

I told her i'd call her back and i didn't, and then she fell asleep. I looked and she sent me a longer message, essentially expressing her disappointment in me. She has consistently spent her last 2 birthdays alone and I guess this one was no different, which is my fault. 

Apologizing, to me, is hard. It's hard to address everything like a professional and hit the nail on the head, and me apologizing to her, to me, felt a little insincere. I dont know why, maybe its because im not with her in real life, begging on my hands and knees. She puts up with a lot, then comes to me about it, and I try my best to console her or uplift her, but the one time she needed me most, i wasnt there.

It feels like when youre on a sports team and you need one more point to win, but you fumble and cost your team the game, yknow? except, the team is you, the point was incredibly easy, and the game is your reputation with your girlfriend.

i even promised, like a nerd, i'd make a roblox game and we could literally go on an e-date. I phrased it as a "surprise" but i couldnt even do that because i got banned, and now im out of ideas on how to make it up to her. I bought her gifts and gave her a little money directly, but i don't have much money to spare. One of the reasons i want to make more money is so my girlfriend doesnt have to worry about getting something to eat or repairing her ipad when the screen cracks, and ill just pay for it. 

She says she doesnt care, but i'm not stupid. She didnt even want me to get her a gift for her birthday...im irritated that its small and wont be there on time. And now i look like an extra dickhead.