I need advice

English isn't my first language, I might use translate or it is just English from the voices on my mind.

I was too in love with my girlfriend... ex girlfriend now, that I never noticed she was... kinda toxic to me, (to the point I tought I was asexual, but no I just didn't wanted to have sex with her) and to everyone else around her, and made me hate people that are always by my side and treated my kindly, and I just noticed it when I started living my life without her.

I know I shouldn't be talking about it, but no one listens to me normally, I just wanted people to help me with some advices.

I am currently flirting with a boy, not actually dating, not actually friends, just something in between that get me nauseous because I never... never did it, lets call he Adara.

He is cool, my girlfriend used to hate he and me as a good boyfriend I hated he too, obviously, but the moment her mom made us go no contact for a few days, I talked to he, since I always had a huge connecting with he, he was the one to introduce her to me.

I cried to he, and he comforted me, not making me turn against her, he just stayed there and listened to my sobs and sadness because I blamed myself for her mom taking her phone.

Adara was chill as hell and I finally listened what he wanted to say, how my now ex was a jerk, how she used he, and yet I didn't wanted to belive... but I started thinking by myself, I noticed how she wanted to know 24/7 where I was, and acted all angry and mad when I had no time to talk, I tried to always say to her where I was but she acted like I NEVER told her where I was and acted all angry, always saying some mean thing about her exes being toxic and all.

I feel like I love he, Adara, and I think he loves me(lots of promises, but I don't know), but I... I just don't think I am ready, I don't think I deserve love now, I am scared to get involved, even if we both agreed for now that we will just be a colorful friendship.

I wanted some advice on what to do with my life, I am trying to focus on myself as my brother told me to do, to be more "selfish", but I still want to feel loved like everyone promised to me I would be loved, even if a scrap of it.

So, what do you guys think?

(I used no translate, sorry for bad english)