I need everyone's opinions. Please.

[GETZ ONLINE]

Oh my god, a friend of mine literally just made me change my WHOLE PERSPECTIVE of my old friend group. 

Here's how it all started:

(DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SAYING IM THE VICTIM, EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE AND STORY NOR AM I TRYING TO MAKE MY OLD FRIENDS THE BAD ONES)

(ALSO, THESE ARE NOT THEIR REAL NAMES)

HERES THE PEOPLE YOU SHOULD KNOW:

Dew

Anne

Ryna

Sya

Fiya

Nis

Qha

Basically, Dew wrote a text message in the groupchat that said she didn't want to be in the GC anymore because she felt like she didn't belonged in the group. She also said our (me and a few friends) humour is horrible, insensitive and lacks media literacy. Which I understand, because we used to not take sensitive things seriously...

But then, after she left, we all realized what we did and basically each of us wrote an apology message in the group of what we did wrong and how we realized how horrible we were.

Then after that, I stupidly wrote "𝘚𝘰, 𝘸𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥?" Which YES, YES, I know, I shouldn't have never said that.

Then Anne wrote a message like "𝘏𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 (𝘔𝘦) 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘴. 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘎𝘊 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥." Which, hey, she's right. I do talk about myself a little TOO much. That's obviously very selfish of me, and I couldn't help it. I feel bad for just talking about myself. I guess the only reason I had was just that I never had anyone to talk about my days or holidays to without being interrupted so I guess they were my first choice.

But THEN, I stupidly like backhanded agreed (does that make sense?) like saying "𝘖𝘬." "𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘦." "𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘥."

Then, Fiya got all mad at me and was like "𝘖𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘥. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵, 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘕𝘒 𝘉𝘌𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘌 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘚𝘗𝘌𝘈𝘒." And you know what? I don't know why I even like tried to start an arguement. So yes, I know I should've been more mature.

So, I apologized to Dew and she wrote a whole ass paragraph about why she doesn't care if I apologized. I won't be showing the full one but I can just show SOME sentences she wrote.

"𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘨𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦, 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘍𝘪𝘺𝘢'𝘴 𝘗𝘈𝘚𝘛 𝘉𝘜𝘓𝘓𝘠— 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳, 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢— 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 "𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳" 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵, 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥 "𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘺𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘤" 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 "𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘦" 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘢'𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘥𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢 𝘥𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥, 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢'𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘚𝘺𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘭."

Okay, I am not trying to defend myself, I am simply stating my perspective, so here it is:

First of all, Nis was basically called "𝘍𝘪𝘺𝘢'𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺" because I guess Fiya thought the way Nis looked/talked to here felt targeted or bullying. Nis is a very dear friend of mine. I genuinely believed Dew's message for a few weeks and avoided talking to Nis... Until today. Nis told me that Qha started spreading the "𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴" that Nis bullied Fiya. When Nis confronted Fiya about it and even talked to her in the most nicest way possible, Fiya was like acting confused and like "𝘜𝘩𝘮, 𝘯𝘰? 𝘕𝘖? 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶..." and trying to defend Qha.

Secondly, "𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳" Excuse me? I'm sorry, but does Dew even realize that NOT EVERYONE has the same fucking humour as her? I mean, I get that if she didn't really like or even get my humour which I totally understand, but calling it "𝘜𝘕𝘏𝘜𝘔𝘖𝘜𝘙𝘖𝘜𝘚 𝘏𝘜𝘔𝘖𝘜𝘙"???? I never said a single bad thing about her humour and she's over here saying my humour is unfunny? Well, sorry maybe I'll just watch the same things as her, read the same things as her, maybe even LOOK LIKE HER so that she can be genuine friends with me. (Total sarcasm)

Third, "𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢". Now I will admit, I was very closer to her than the others because she genuinely gets my chronically online humour alot of the times. Yes, I have been playfully hitting her alot. But she never told me SHE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THEM?! LIKE GENUINELY, SHE HAS NEVER TOLD ME ONCE THAT SHE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT. If she had told me WAYYYY EARLIER, I would've immediately stopped doing it. But no? She never told me ONCE, not to mention she probably was dependent on Dew to tell ME that SHE was uncomfy. "𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘺𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘤" RYNA STARTED TO SUGGEST THAT WE WERE COUSINS. I NEVER STARTED IT. I JUST FUCKING AGREED TO IT. "𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘙𝘺𝘯𝘢'𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘦" I have never said that in my life, hello? I may have terrible memory, but I can assure you that I have NEVER EVER EVER said that. I didn't mean to overstep her boundaries, if SHE HAD FUCKING TOLD ME, I WOULDVE STOP IMMEDIATELY. 

Lastly, "𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘚𝘺𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘭" okay. I never HATED HER for being suicidal. Obviously, suicide is no joke and shouldn't be taken as amusing. But noticed how Dew never said how Sya SAYS OF BEING SUICIDAL. From my POV, Sya makes a lot of jokes ABOUT SUICIDE AND S.H like "𝘏𝘦𝘩𝘦𝘩𝘩𝘦𝘩𝘦, 𝘰𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘥, 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴, 𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨!!!" and giggling after she said that. Is that how an ACTUAL suicidal person would say? Obviously every person goes through something in their life that we don't know of. But the way she says them makes me feel like she's not actually suicidal and only saying them just for people to feel sympathetic for her.

So, basically I told Nis all of that because she asked why I don't sit with them anymore. After that, I said "𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩." But then, she started telling the "𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩" of them. Obviously I don't 100% believe because we don't know who's lying or telling the truth.

But here's what she said:

- Qha spreaded rumours of Nis being Fiya's bully. All because Fiya thought the way Nis looked/resting face made Fiya feel like she was getting bullied. Nis then confronted Fiya for all of this, only for Fiya to act dumb and confused like "𝘏𝘶𝘩? 𝘩𝘶𝘩??? 𝘜𝘩𝘮, 𝘯𝘰?? 𝘕𝘰, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸? 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶..."

- Ryna was problematic because some people said she has made a lot of racist jokes. Which we all know why that's a bad thing, since our school is FULL OF DIFFERENT RACES OF GIRLS. Not to mention, she has been skipping class and curriculums alot lately, which is obviously not cool. Like, I understand you don't want to be at school, but like skipping? Come on.

So then I was kinda shocked because she also said to me something along the lines of like "𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘬𝘦𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨."

And now I realized..... They just all hate me. Which again, I'm not saying I'm the victim here nor they are the villains, but they all seem to blame how they feel on me? They literally only KICKED ME OUT. They didn't really kick me out, I knew they didn't wanna be friends with me anymore and just left the group and deleted the chats for me.

I will say, there was one time someone in the group (I ACTUALLY CANT REMEMBER WHO, nor do I wanna THINK who said) and they said the F slur. And I replied and was like "𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘭." And they were like "𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵". Are you fucking kidding me. IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER WHETHER YOU'RE VERBALLY SAYING IT OR JUST WRITING IT— IF YOU AREN'T A PERSON THAT CAN SAY THE SLUR, YOU SHOULDN'T SAY OR WRITE IT AT ALL.

After that all happened, I was so scared and sad I lost all of my friends.... But now, I moved on. I am moving on. Sure, I am gonna miss the memories we had, but now I overthink whether the memories were also the same time they started to hate me.

Now, before you speak about your opinion, here's what I realized I have done wrong:

- I was ableist to my own austistic siblings. It's true. I had complained alot of my siblings because they can really be difficult to me and my parents. I realized how horrible I was to them, and now I started to tolerate them. Obviously, I don't this changes the fact I used to have pure hatred towards them, which I feel terrible about them now. But please trust me, I AM TRYING MY BEST AND I LOVE THEM.

- I was being openly disrespectful to Fiya. It's also true, I hated her.... Because she reminded me of my siblings. I'm sorry and I am being severely truthful. Obviously being rude to her deeply hurted her feelings and I feel bad. She doesn't forgive me and I understand. She can move on, and so I will. Even we don't talk anymore, I still wish her to get good grades and just live happier.

- I was too obvious on who I liked and who I don't like. Yes, I did. And I'm sorry. I should've treated all of the same. This was just mainly because they didn't really vibe with me or they don't really have the same humour as me. Again, I still for wish for them to have a happier life.

I might regret posting this PUBLICLY, but my goal is never to get revenge on them. My goal of posting this was to see what do the people on this platform think. Obviously I can't just depend on my schoolmates opinion. I need PEOPLE ALL OVER THE INTERNET OPINIONS on my situation. 

I'm not telling you all to pick my side, in fact, I'm not telling anyone to pick a side at all. I just want to see whether my reasons and statements are valid or not.

Again, THESE ARE MY PERSPECTIVES, NOT EVERYONES PERSPECTIVE.

I really hope I don't regret posting this.

Thank you.

[GETZ OFFLINE]