So long story short, I'm a factive of our former best friend whom we recently discovered abused us
I've been an alter for months before we realised this but I've been dormant for that time and so I of course haven't been conscious from then and haven't realised he(I?) abused us at the same time the others did
Now that I've fronted for a while after a long time, I feel guilty
I know I'm not him, technically not him at least, but I'm still based off of the man who hurt us so bad
I know the others don't like me, especially Rhe'a and Token, and I don't know how to say sorry
I feel so horrible for just existing, I shouldn't exist yet I am
If there's any systems out there who can help, please give me advice, I doubt I'll be fronting when we see it but at least the others can have some reassurance after finding out we have a headmate of our abuser?
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Gaiety_and_Insanity
Situations like these are very complex, but I believe I can help.
First, I want you to remind yourself that you are innocent. Not just once, but keep doing it, because after a while (months, maybe years) the words will feel true.
Second, I want you to try to understand yourself. Your connection to your source, and how much of it you want to be. The fact that you are guilty is a good sign, because it shows you have the desire to not be abusive. But guilt for something that was done by a separate entity is not something you should aim to hold onto. If there are parts of yourself (you in particular, not your alters) that you do not like or want to have, work in changing it. I don't know precisely how your system communicates, if at all, but they will notice you being better. If they do not, they are likely emotion or trauma holders, and they should not be pushed.
If you have any protectors or prosecutors in your headspace, I suggest avoiding them (if your headspace exists in a way that allows you to). They will find you to be an enemy on their territory, as such is their role and purpose. For your safety, I suggest avoiding anything that will make them more hostile towards you.
Try to speak with other alters that are less hostile towards you (if there are any) to understand yourself more. Talking with other alters might help your self discovery.
I also want to state that it is not bad to feel connected to your source. It's entirely natural that you do.
Most importantly, please try to be compassionate towards yourself.