I shall purify myself

I’ve hurt people in the past. A lot. I’ve done terrible things that I feel guilt for every day. But I’m getting more comforted by the idea of purifying, alchemising my guilt and my anger and my badness and turning it into something good. 

I cannot take back what I have said or done. I cannot erase the harm, nor the tears, nor the wounds that I have made others have. But I can choose to put happiness out into the world. I cannot change the mental harm I have done to others but I can fix other’s mental harm. I can be an advocate to fight against the same harm I did to others. I believe that love and hatred, harm and help, are two sides of the same coin of passion and action; now that I have been harmed and the harmer, bullied and the bully, now that I have seen the harm done to myself and seen the harm I’ve done to others and seen the minds of the people who do the harm in me and my own abusers, I am the most educated person on this topic. I refuse to be the one to harm another person again. 

If I have the power to bring immense pain onto others, I have the power to bring immense joy. I shall help you. I shall help myself. I shall fight against the pain brought to myself and others. The guilt will purify the sword of harm and turn it into the angelic weapon of redemption and advocacy. I am good. I am educated. I am holy, and I am the eye and brain of the universe. I will not cause the harm I have ever again.